KIDS

They don’t know there is something wrong within their-self. My hearth break as I know they started realize for missing love from father. Being nothing happens as long as they can do school task and grab a good score.

“Do you know how to make a good decision for your future? Can you leading your self to achive your dream properly? Does your emotion stable  enough? You can learn all these thing from your father. Does your father teach you?” And the answer just great silent, and empty stare.

Some kids had told me about their miserable Dad. No legal statement plead their parents divorce, and following consequences father has to take responsibility to raise their own kids, but contrary to moral expectation, father left behind without any guilty feeling.

“Where did he go?”

“I didn’t know?”

What kind of respond I should give to them?

Is there Anybody want give me  an explanation to this phenomenon? Why such father could really exist in this world?

Menjaga Anugerah

Terbangun di dalam suasana pagi yang masih gelap. Nikmati Venus di ufuk timur. Tangan ini masih memegang Al-Qur’an yang tadi ku baca. Pada halaman itu tercetak terjemahan dari Q.S Al-Fussilat ayat 54, yang berbunyi:

“Kami akan memperlihatkan kepada mereka tanda (kebesaran) Kami di segenap penjuru dan pada diri mereka sendiri sehingga jelaslah bagi mereka bahwa Al-Qur’an itu adalah benar. Tidak cukupkah (bagi kamu) bahwa Tuhanmu menjadi saksi atas segala sesuatu?”

Air mata ku luruh, seiring timbulnya kesadaran bahwa tanda-tanda Allah itu juga ada pada diri mu. Bahasa manusia menyebutnya cinta. Sesuatu yang membuatku tidak berkutik. Syaraf parasimpatetik ku pun berhenti, sehingga paru-paru ini lupa mengambil oksigen dari luar.

Maka izinkan aku menjaga anugerah terindah milikmu itu. Dengan menggunakan jarak terjauh, sehingga aku tidak akan mampu menodai anugerah itu. Mungkin sejauh aku memandang venus saat ini, agar kau tetap suci.

Allah, jagalah anugerah itu dariku.

24

Sorry, from couple years ago, this blog is just fulfill by stupidity of me,

Why it is so hard to fly far-far away living my beloved? Changes has made by willing to change, and live is should change. They had left beatiful scar on my memory.

Many people say, everyone have to posses a capability to adapt with change.

Today, I change to unidentified form.

I really miss my family, my best friends.

Chit chat about something,

Once Isti said to me, “I want to cry a lot, I  have a good life, nice family and friends, so I have no reason for cry river.” And it happened to me as well.

Bunuh Diri

Fortunately those words never come up to my mind to overcome the problem. Maybe because it’s believe as sinful action, that I engulfed without chewed first at my very youngest age.

Recently I’ve started my reading activity about psychology, and found about a bunch of mental health problem sufferred by Americans. One of them is Halting their life through suicide.

Heh? Kok bisa sih?

I was though they are happy to have free sex, alcohol, drugs, and no need to see their Jesus every day. One thing, the millitary seems easy to take out many soul from kids in Iraq, Afghanistan, and of course in Palestine.

Depression is a stage of someone’s feeling before they decide go to terminal life. Many psychotherapy had provided to help people, growing self-efficacy, and start their knew life. Does Psychotheraphy effective enough? I don’t know.

 Maybe because it’s believe as sinful action, so I never put this plan to living my life. It is kind of psychology? I do not know baby....

Setahun Di Padang Itu....Kering..

Dulu aku pinginnya kerja di tempat yang nyaman seperti Yogyakarta, tapi sayang rejeki ku hanya berhenti sampai bisa menyelesaikan kuliah di sana. Lanjut ke tahap berdikari, Allah menerbangkan ku tanah yang bernama Padang..

Baru kali ini aku mau menuliskan tentang kota ini, karena banyaknya hal yang tidak menyenangkan, dan bingung apa yang harus ku ceritakan. Aku merasa karir ku untuk menjadi orang gila terhenti sejenak, dan berada di sini, seperti mendapatkan terapi kejiwaan.

Bayangin dong, masa’ untuk internetan aja sinyalnya mati hidup,,,Blackberry pake ilang, sial!!! Padahal ane butuh banget sama Internet..huh...

Terus makanannya gitu-gitu aja lagi, enggak ada ramen, sushi, sayur bening aja jarang banget ketemunya.

Jujur aja sekarang lagi berjuang keras untuk menumbuhkan harapan hidup!!Ada beberapa harapan hidup yang Allah Kasih sama aku. Alhamdulillah. Pertama, AKU BISA NONTON LARUKU TANGGAL 2 MEI NANTI DI JAKARTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YA ALLAH IT’S SUCH IMPOSIBLE TO GET THIS OPPoRTUNITY

Yang kedua, semoga usaha ku dalam memperdalam bahasa Inggris bisa tercapai, harus belajar matematik pula, statistik pula, yang sumpah yah...ane hindarin banget nyang namanya matematika itu. Jadi tahukan sekarang alasannya masuk psikologi itu kenapa? Eh, ternyata ketemuan yang beginian juga di sana...ya udahlah harus nyerah dengan istilah Math does exist everywhere.

Yang ketiga, sering berkunjung ke twitter and facebook, jadi bisa tahu what’s on earth?

Beneran udah mulai bosan banget di sini, berasa ga ada yang bisa gue lakuin, berasa bego banget pula, berasa enggak berguna juga, berasa kebas juga, berasa apalagi?

Kalo gue balik ke Jakarta akankah gue mendapatkan jawaban? Enggak juga, bonyok tetep sibuk sendiri, but I know they still keep their eyes on me... and satu lagi yang bikin gue malas, mereka tetap menginginkan gue punya pasangan hidup.

Yah, siapa sih yang enggak kepingin punya pasangan hidup, tapi kan juga enggak segampang nyari upil di idung terus dapet. Buat urusan yang satu ini memang gue beneran hati-hati banget karena takut. Sudah,,,,stop bahasan ini. Gue butuh bahasan yang lebih intelektual *najis*.

Huga, he has his own world.

I’m missing my old friend in Yogya n Jakarta.

Oh ya, Titi has living in Bontang about a month. She has started boring, once she called me told to me as she were crying.

Urgh..there are many ways, to drop down your spirit of live, and it needs mind-fight to keep positivity.

Enggak enaknya idup di sini yaitu enggak ada yang namaya twenty one,,,,haduh,,,hasrat hedonisme gue beneran terkekang di sini.... Argh...beda banget pokoknya sama di Yogya, atau Jakarta,,,

Yang bikin sedih lagi sih, karena di sini budayanya udah banyak yang tergerus. Yah, enggak tahu juga ya,,,mungkin karena gue idup di pinggiran kotanya bukan di desa.

Alhamdulillah di sini masih dikasih teman yang bisa diajak jalan walaupun enggak sealiran kegilaan. Mereka Anis Nur Afifah, Istiqomah Nurhayati, Mas Dwi Mariyanto, and Mas Rahmat Widodo. Satu kesamaan kami yaitu, kami berdarah dari tanah Jawa. Paling enggak bisa untuk bertukar pikiran beberapa hal.

Aku BOSAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hah,,,,derita orang Ansos seperti aku.

Appreciate Simplicity

Once, as I stayed in Yogya, I passed a kid maybe he was around 6 or 7 years old. I was jogging when he saw a bright sky with the moon still existed.

“Mom, there is still a moon at the sky,” said it with excited feeling.

Hei kid, what’s problem with the moon, it just another common natural event. Yep I said loudly to him in my heart.

He still amazed with the natural event, and I deemed it with flat face.

Kid, you can hit something in front of you, if you don’t walk appropriately. Yep I said it when I stared the sky as well. *So who is the moron one right now?*

I found the moon with half form and began shading because its light failed to conquer the sun’s smile. But I could see the holes just like my face. If I were there, I would jump just to know how high I could reach.

I started grow up amazing feeling. Second and second just passed like a wind and brought me to stand up in his shoes

“I would be more naive if I were on his age.”

The feeling still memorise in my long term memory, recognising common object as a new one.

Years I’ve been passing make me resist and difficult to identified the beauty of simplicity. Every little thing that I see, hear, touch, in million times can be a new one in next second.

Thanks God you had taught me one think, and thanks to chubby kid, I wish I could pinch your cheek for once :D.